Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Hefty Hipster Commits The Sin Of Coveting



I saw this headline slapped across the front of our beloved community newspaper and instant jealousy reared up mean and ugly like the bad flounder fillet I ate at a Knights Of Columbus Fish Fry once.

How dare this man receive a sentence and then have the nerve to flaunt it all over the newspaper accompanied by his smug picture.

There have been many times in my life when I've been down and out and pitifully sentence-less. Nobody took mercy on me and threw me a sentence out of the kindness of their hearts.

I wasn't asking for an essay or even a stinkin paragraph.....I just wanted one measly sentence.

A kindly man once stopped me and I thought "Yes! At last my sentence ship has come in." But no, he only "wanted to have a word with me."

What the flyin flippin Cheez Nip is that all about? Do I look like a word charity that wants to share a word with you, old man?

Why don't we just go to the Dictionary Diner and order a word shake with two straws so that we may partake of the same word together?

*shakes fist* This word isn't big enough for the two of us, mister!!!

Given that this newspaper lives up to its free-of-charge-you-get-what-you-pay-for reputation, the headline neglects to offer any pertinent details to fill the reader in on what the article's about.

So then I thought maybe I jumped to a hasty conclusion and that this man had gone to a service where you can give them all your extra pocket words and they'll make you a sentence out of it.

Sentences In Exchange For Your Old Words.....Come And Cash In Your Old Unused And Unwanted Words For Sentences Today!!!

Maybe he performed some act of Grammar Heroism and the Mayor of Word Nerd Ville decided he should be honored with the Golden Sentence to the city.

I'm lazy and I never bothered to read the article so now I'll never know where to sign up to receive free sentences for mys

4 comments:

Carrot Jello

I wouldn't receive anything less than a paragraph.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY

I've gotten greedy in my whole age and now I want the combo platter with a paragraph entree, a sentence side, and a cup of sweetened random punctuation for dessert.

Carrot Jello

Don't forget the alphabet soup for starters.

Elizabeth-W

Speaking of dictionaries, Shad got one for E this week. There allllll manner of words that were not in the last dictionary we purchased.
And yes, out of curiosity I did look up some dirty words to see how much has changed over the years.
The dictionary seemed to provide social commentary, along with the definition. Muy interesante.

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